Yeah. Once you've gotten the shit kicked out of you enough, it's hard to not flinch at everything.
[ she thinks that over for a moment, absently rubbing his arm with her hand. ]
Maybe it's unrealistic for things to be perfect, man, but it's not stupid to want to be in a situation where you can just be okay. You don't have to feel bad for wanting to be safe.
[ it's a work in progress for her, trying to learn how to not feel massive amounts of guilt for having wants and needs. for wanting to be happy. ]
I know there's no going back that version of you, but it's not hopeless, for there to be a point where things go right, and then just keep going right. It isn't hopeless. And - you haven't seen me these past few weeks, so you don't know how... how much effort it is taking to say that, but I believe it.
I don't - mean to seem like I think nothing good is going to ever happen again, or even that there won't be pretty long periods of really nice things. That's not what I think. I just think that's there's never a point we get to where nothing bad ever happens again. [with a kind of awkward laugh, halfhearted:] Though I'd really love it if someday the bad wasn't as dramatic as it's been. Maybe at least that's attainable.
[finally kind of - taking a grounding breath, really looking at her.]
...Whatever happened while you were there - I'm really proud you got to that eventually. Especially if it was hard. [blinks away a few more tears.] I'm really glad you're back, too. I think I've told you that already, but - in case I didn't.
Honestly, yeah. I think that is. Attainable, I mean, having a time where it won't be as dramatic.
[ she wipes his tears for him one more time, and then slides her hands back down to rest on his arms. she's always been the kind of person that finds touch more grounding than anything else. ]
... Thanks. [ she says, softer. ] I wouldn't have, if Strohl hadn't been around. But I'm getting there, and - I'm glad to be back. I'm glad to be able to talk to you face to face again.
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[ she thinks that over for a moment, absently rubbing his arm with her hand. ]
Maybe it's unrealistic for things to be perfect, man, but it's not stupid to want to be in a situation where you can just be okay. You don't have to feel bad for wanting to be safe.
[ it's a work in progress for her, trying to learn how to not feel massive amounts of guilt for having wants and needs. for wanting to be happy. ]
I know there's no going back that version of you, but it's not hopeless, for there to be a point where things go right, and then just keep going right. It isn't hopeless. And - you haven't seen me these past few weeks, so you don't know how... how much effort it is taking to say that, but I believe it.
no subject
[finally kind of - taking a grounding breath, really looking at her.]
...Whatever happened while you were there - I'm really proud you got to that eventually. Especially if it was hard. [blinks away a few more tears.] I'm really glad you're back, too. I think I've told you that already, but - in case I didn't.
no subject
[ she wipes his tears for him one more time, and then slides her hands back down to rest on his arms. she's always been the kind of person that finds touch more grounding than anything else. ]
... Thanks. [ she says, softer. ] I wouldn't have, if Strohl hadn't been around. But I'm getting there, and - I'm glad to be back. I'm glad to be able to talk to you face to face again.